Who Defines the Choice and Role of Women in the Indian Marriage Market?

Have you ever thought of the marriage market prevailing in Indian middle class society? Who are the players of this game? Parents or other family members, society, peer groups? You would be amazed to know that there is a strong nexus between each player; everyone has his or her own interest, which may be physical, psychological, economical and social. Marriage decision is an important pride decision for parents and they are not reluctant to transfer this decision making power to their off springs. The main stakeholders in this market are the two families who work as the real producers enter into the market to exchange their products in the form of brides and grooms at good prices. Rationally one player should be at complete loss giving up both money and daughter and other may have attained super normal profit by receiving both, which is rationally not justified. But if you remove this rational element, the first player (father) is very happy as he is guided by the strong feeling of giving up the burden (daughters are often considered as burden in middle class families).  Do we need to break this parental and social hegemony? Why should we follow patriarchal kinship systems?

Do women have any say in choice of a spouse? The second point that I want to make is in a typical Indian families women are prepared or made ready for the marriage market. The whole emphasis on girl’s education is to get her ready to find a right match. If she is very educated then she should end up marrying a highly educated and wealthy guy. If she doesn’t do this her whole education is fallacious. Whole investment on her education is a total waste if she decides to marry a guy of her own choice. It can be disastrous if she decides to live single. Next question that comes in mind is what the role of education in one’s life? Should education lead to more segregation in society by supporting the caste hegemony or should it lead to minimise and deny the division?  

Let’s now discuss the idea of girl as a burden in a family. What are main factors which make her a burden on parents or husband? Women are seen as an honour in a family.  And the conceptualisation of honour comes from the idea of protection and rights over women and her property. Society is manipulated with the very idea of providing protection to women. Hence father is protecting his girl child before marriage and then he transfers the load of protection to husband by giving some assets in the form of dowry. In this whole game does anyone think about the thought process of women being victimised as the honour and right of father and in-laws afterwards. So the load of protection converts into the idea of honour and a helps in the formation of an unsaid right over women. The feeling of right helps society to consider her as a property.  

Does caste matters in the choice of a spouse? Let’s now talk about the role of caste in this marriage markets. The whole branding of caste and class dynamics switch to creating centres for excellence. Almost every caste claims some kind of superiority over other caste and denies the existence of other; always tries to segregate and differentiate one from other caste and want to maintain the hegemony. In this process women are targeted or desired as the carriers to maintain this hegemony of caste system in the society. If she denies and marry guy from other caste she is blamed to undermine the honour of the family as she dares to break this hegemony. So in order to maintain the honour or pride of so called caste system, women are often forced to choose husband from the same caste. And she is repeatedly told and reminded her duty/ dharma (which is imposed and given by society and family) to carry forward this lineage of caste by giving birth to off springs.